I was scrolling through tumblr today and I saw a surplus of cute, colorful images bearing the words "choose happiness." Most would think little of posts such as these, thinking them to be simple and positive pictures that are meant to brighten your day. But for me, I felt slightly bothered by their loud and almost ignorant message. As someone who suffers from chronic anxiety and depression, sheer happiness is something that is far more difficult and complex than a mere choice. I can choose to try my very best to be happy, but it doesn't always mean that it'll work.
For me, an "okay" day is something to celebrate, it's something that shows progress and hope. When you're stuck in misery for so long, a quick break from it is like a breath of fresh air, a short time to rest and recover. But when you wake to feelings of depression and sadness the next day, you're filled with frustration and anger at your current state of mind. Because being miserable is no fun, believe me. No one in their right mind would ever choose to be unhappy for unbearable lengths of time, for it's absolutely awful. So when I see images telling me to "choose happiness," it makes me a little bit upset. If happiness was just a choice, don't you think I would have chosen it already? If it were that easy, my depression could simply dissolve and I could get on with my life. You can't choose happiness any more than you choose sadness. It's not a conscious decision, it's a reaction to some sort of stimuli in your life.
Happiness is something that I constantly ache for, and something that I truly love. I know what it is like to be happy, and it is a wonderful, gorgeous feeling. However, it's unrealistic to assume that someone can simply choose to be happy all the time. It's impossible. And even if it were possible, would you choose constant happiness? I know that I wouldn't. Being miserable is not a good feeling, and if you suffer from depression, constant sadness can be completely crippling and frustrating. But since I have experienced such deep, intense sadness, it allows me to better appreciate the times when I am happy. I cherish those moments, for they are few and far between, making them beacons of light in the darkest of times.
I'd like to share a video on the very topic that I'm discussing, for it outlines how I feel quite perfectly. Beckie0 is one of my favorite YouTubers, and she struggles with several of the same mental health issues as I do, and shares many of my opinions as well. Please watch this video, and think twice before you tell someone to simply choose to be happy.
Sorry for the rather deep and serious post, but this is something that I wanted to share with you guys, as it is important to me. I also wanted to bring a little light upon some of the mental health issues that I struggle with, because I'd like to write more about them in the future.
p.s. If you'd like to follow me on tumblr, here's my link: http://thetasteofmountains.tumblr.com/
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